Saturday, December 6, 2014

Seven Reasons I Said No – A List by Kelly Ann Morginstein

  1. It was Josh.
  2. He stumbled the proposal and my father finished for him.
  3. Instead of a nice dinner out and a ring my mother invited him to dinner and he asked during the salad course. With no ring.
  4. Josh wears yellow socks.
  5. I’m pretty sure he snores.
  6. Mallory would murder me if I said yes.
  7. Josh is dead.

I mean, seriously??? A zombie? How’s a nice Jewish girl supposed to respond? Sure, I’m his last hope for a nice relationship because every other girl has either turned him down or waived a crucifix at him.

I get that. Really.

But did he need to tell me I was his last choice? Not only would he not ask me out if I were the last girl on the planet, but he wouldn’t ask me out until he was dead and I was the last girl who hadn’t said no on the planet.

That’s just hurtful.

And having my parents there? Is it to much to ask for a real proposal? You know, a romantic moonlit walk on the beach. Or a day at the museum followed by a luscious dinner. Something impressive.

Sweet potato latkes are tasty, but they aren’t romantic. Not when you help make them and have to wash the dishes afterward. And not when the best compliment of the evening is a dead guy telling you that you seem very obedient.

Obedient? Gosh, Josh! That’s just what every girl wants to hear.


When they’re three >.< Not when they’re twenty-four and the only single girl in the whole community. Single, and living in my parent’s attic. Anne Frank never had it this bad.

Right now, I’d welcome the Nazis.

Anything to keep nosey Mrs. S from dropping by tomorrow for breakfast where she will, I guarantee, casually grab my hand to inspect the rock. Boy is she in for a shock!

Josh brought over a bracelet. One of his. From the hospital. And his original toe tag. So I could be near him or something? I have no clue. It was creepy. I wanted to set fire to him but my mom grabbed the candles before I could.

Back-stabbing mother! Does she really want a half-rotted corpse as a son-in-law? Is she really that desperate?

I need to move out. It’s the only choice. I need to go find my own place and stop dating the undead.  

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